Holding Fast Together: Supporting a Loved One Through Trauma

Kaitlin Hebard
Feb 13
3 min read

Trauma doesn’t just affect the person who experienced it, it ripples through families, relationships, and entire support systems. When someone you love is carrying the weight of trauma, you may feel helpless, confused, or even frustrated. You want to help, but you might not know how.

At Holdfast Wellness and Therapy, we believe that healing happens in connection. Here’s how you can support a family member affected by trauma while also protecting your own well-being.

1. Understand That Trauma Changes the Nervous System

Trauma isn’t just a memory, it’s an experience that can reshape the brain and body. Your loved one may have heightened reactions, difficulty trusting, emotional numbness, or cycles of withdrawal and reactivity. This isn’t personal, it’s how their nervous system has adapted to protect them.

Instead of saying, "Why are you acting this way?" try: "I notice you seem overwhelmed right now. Is there anything I can do to support you?"

2. Create a Safe Space Without Pushing for Details

It can be tempting to ask, "What happened?" or push them to talk about their trauma. While some people want to share, others aren’t ready, and may never be. What they truly need is a safe, steady presence where they feel accepted regardless of what they do (or don’t) say.

Try:"You don’t have to tell me everything, but I’m here when you’re ready."

3. Learn Their Triggers, but Don’t Tiptoe

People affected by trauma often have triggers—sounds, smells, places, or situations that bring up past distress. Learn what helps them feel safe, but don’t walk on eggshells. It’s okay to live your life and set boundaries while also being mindful of their needs.

Try:"Would you like a heads-up before we go to crowded places, or does that feel unnecessary?"

4. Support, But Don’t Try to “Fix” Them

It’s natural to want to make things better, but healing isn’t a quick fix, it’s a journey. Your role isn’t to “fix” them but to stand beside them, hold space, and encourage them to seek professional support if needed.

Try: "I care about you, and I want to support you however I can. Have you thought about talking to someone who specializes in this?"

5. Prioritize Your Own Mental Health

Loving someone with trauma can be emotionally exhausting. You are not their therapist, and you shouldn’t sacrifice your own well-being in the process. Get support, set boundaries, and engage in your own self-care.

Try: "I love you, and I also need time to recharge so I can show up for you in a way that feels good for both of us."

6. Encourage (but Don’t Force) Professional Support

Some people resist therapy due to stigma, fear, or past negative experiences. Gently encouraging professional help, without pressure, can make a difference. If they’re hesitant, you can normalize therapy by sharing your own experiences or offering to help find a therapist who specializes in trauma.

Try: "There are therapists who understand trauma really well—want me to help you look for one?"

Supporting a family member through trauma can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Healing happens in relationships, and your presence matters more than you know.

At Holdfast Wellness and Therapy, we offer resources, workshops, and guidance for families navigating trauma. If you or your loved one needs support, reach out or explore our available courses designed to help families reconnect, heal, and grow together.