Forgiveness as Self-Care: When it's Time to Let it Go

Letting Go for Your Own Healing

When we hear the word “forgiveness,” we often imagine a dramatic exchange like an apology, a reconciliation, a mending of relationships. But what if forgiveness didn’t require the other person at all?

In truth, some of the most powerful forms of forgiveness happen in solitude. Forgiving someone who never apologized, or forgiving yourself for past mistakes, can create a deep sense of peace and freedom. It’s an act of self-care, not because it absolves others, but because it releases you.

The Psychological Benefits of Forgiveness

Research has shown that self-forgiveness can significantly reduce depressive symptoms, rumination, and shame (Toussaint, Owen, & Cheadle, 2012). Holding onto resentment, guilt, or regret can keep the nervous system in a low-grade state of stress—undermining our mental and physical health.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning. It means loosening the grip these memories or dynamics have on your energy, and choosing to prioritize your own healing and inner peace.

Ho’oponopono: A Tool for Personal Release

One beautiful example of internal forgiveness is the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono, which centers on reconciliation and clearing personal blocks. Its simple phrases, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” are repeated as a mantra to encourage inner repair and emotional clarity.

Though rooted in spiritual tradition, Ho’oponopono has been adapted by many as a secular mindfulness practice. It reminds us that even when others are unavailable or unwilling, we can still heal.

Journaling prompt: Is there a part of myself or my past that I am holding resentment or shame toward? What would it feel like to begin releasing that today with compassion and care?

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”  — Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.